The Pacific Northwest According to Jeff Foxworthy
You live in the Northwest if:
1. You know the state flower (Mildew).
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
3. Use the statement ’sun break’, and know what it means.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant or to church.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the ‘WALK’ signal.
8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it’s not a real mountain.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle’s Best, and Veneto ’s.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Heceta, Yaquina, Yachats, Issaquah, Oregon, Spokane, Yakima, and Willamette .
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese, and Thai food.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
16. You are not fazed by ‘Today’s forecast: Showers followed by rain,’ and ‘Tomorrow’s forecast: Rain followed by showers.’
17. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see them through the cloud cover.
20. You use the phrase ‘The mountain is out’ when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
26. You measure distance in hours.
27. You often switch from ‘heat’ to ‘a/c’ in the same day.
28. You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining, Road Construction, and Deer & Elk season.
30. You understood these jokes and will tell your friends.
7 comments:
never gets old. Heres another you might enjoy
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, poop!"
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a *****" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
_________________
Rick also added another definition of a hammer:
A dowsing tool commonly used to locate your thumbs.
These were so funny, OH and the other thing about knowing about Boring Oregon, is accually living in Boring, Oregon, which we do
Those are all good ones.
Jim
thanks for fixing the color of text. lol
no problem. makes it a little easier to read.
You forgot
Hand held circular saw:
A hand held power tool commonly used for testing the dancing capabilities of everyone in the work area when it escapes.
All very good. AND correct.
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