Well, it is done. The services are definitely arranged for 12-20-08 at 2 pm. at the SDA church in Fall River Mills. There will be a potluck afterwards.
We went to the Mortuary today. Got all the paperwork started, and got Ben dressed in his clothes. We put him in his Class A's. They have never been worn. They still have the tags on them. We left them on. We also put his new tennis shoes on his feet and his ball cap that he wanted to take on the coast trip that we could not find for that. We placed his rosary that Teresa made for him in his right hand and a twinkie that a friend had gotten him that he couldn't eat in his left hand. I almost forgot, I put his glasses in his inside pocket along with the Key Chit that Little Joe gave him when we saw him at the coast. That was for you Joe as you had given it to Ben and it would mean the most to him. We figured that he can give it to your father when he sees him or at least tell him about it. After we had put him in his uniform he looked more natural to us as that was how we had seen him most of the time. We put the ball cap on and tennis shoes as when he crossed over it was at change of shift. It seemed like he was just going home.
He looked peaceful and at rest. He did not look like the night that he left. His face was relaxed and had a smile on it the way he smiles. It was not a forced or fixed smile.
We were going to get a big Urn and 3 small keepsake ones for the remains but it was almost $900 so we went to several different stores until we found something that we thought that Ben would be happy in. Then on the way home we stopped at a second hand store in Fall River Mills called "Hidden Treasures" and lo and behold we all found Keepsake Urns for us that just "called to us" as being the right ones for us and each was different. It was awesome as they were just getting ready to close up for the night. Everything just seemed to work out right. I am tired but not the exhausted tired. There were a lot of strange things that has happened in the last three days that just can't be explained.
So now most everything is paid for. It had to be paid for up front. Thank God that in a couple of weeks the last of the money in the savings account will come in to pay the bills that won't be covered with having to do this up front. God works in mysterious ways and I have no fear on how the rest of this will work out. I am afraid of facing the future without the Rock somewhere around. I know that I will survive but I am still scared.
So, all in all, with everything, today was a good day. I am more at peace and I know that Teresa is too and I just hope that BJ is also as he seemed more relaxed tonight when he left to go to his new home and family.
With Love from All of US.
Illa
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12 comments:
Well Illa, ya done good! It's so nice when everything falls into place, especially when they are emotional chores. Your description of how Ben is dressed is great, especially the part about leaving the tags. Ben always kinda reminded me of Sonny and Cher in their early days, he's going to dress loudly and 'if you don't like it - you can lump it'. Having evolved into a conservative type, that old hippie style sometimes calls to me. My favorite photo of Ben and I, is when we're both shirtless, with our arms around each other, and with our necklaces of beads. Though I don't think we'll be wearing many cloths in heaven, that part of Ben that made him unique, will live on and be a glaring light in heaven.
you know that twinkie is going to last forever?
it sounds like you have had a busy couple of days. im glad everything fell together with no major problems.
as far as what peter said about a glaring light. i would think it would be a disco ball effect. :)
i will be thinking about you and the kids on the 20th.
love ya.
Dick
Illa,
Thank you for sharing with us the process that you're going through. It's something that you have to do, but we need to hear about. I like the part of Ben dressed in his Class A clothes. For some reason I like the idea of the tags being left on, but I don't know why. When I was painting signs I used to refer to my clothes as #1's, #2's, and #3's. When I got paint on clothes they moved down a grade. When I would embaress Sandi by wearing something they would either move down a notch or mysteriously disappear. I think a person needs to be comfortable in life and comfortable in the hereafter. I also like the touches of the rosary and the twinkie. One of the things that Chuck did when Dad was laid to rest is that he brought some soil from one of Dad's favorite places, Alaska. He threw it on the casket as it was lowered into the ground. I also like the touches of thought to Joe and his father.
Illa, you're going to have a lot of guardian angels with all this care, love, and concern that you've shown these last 30 years. I don't like to view people that have passed, but Ben sounds like he looks very well.
I like the story of finding an urn. Someone or something is guiding your duties. When you're ready, I'd be interested in hearing some things of the last three days that "just can't be explained." My God does work in mysterious ways.
It's good to say at the end of the day that "today was a good day." You've done well.
Jim
I forget the ladies name that was on Hee Haw that always wore the price tag on her hat. Just remembered, Minnie Pearl. She always said "Howdy!!!!" Ben and I would laugh about it and there would be times that we put something on and forgot to check to make sure the tag was off. It just seemed right. Ben never had to wear them for any "Honor Duty" but he was supposed to have them anyway. He always looked good in a uniform.
Tonight Teresa and I went to a Candle Light Ceremony that the Hospice people put on yearly for the last 5 years or so in remembrance of Loved Ones that had passed and for the new ones from this year. I recognized a few names from our Valley. It was a nice service.
And Dick, if that twinkie lasts "forever" then they did something wrong. That would be like, If he wasn't dead when we cremated him then we would be in a world of hurt.
With Love Teresa and Illa
Thank you for the updates Illa, they mean the world to us. I'm so glad that you have had a lot of interesting experiences as you work through these processes. This is what gives us the courage to go on through the years.
Don't be surprised at the times when tears or laughter come to you--just keep it all close to you. As the years go on, grief and recovery do a very subtle dance inside of you. It's hard to believe that all of this is a blessing in its own right. It's hard to believe that this is life in its fullest measure, but surely the pain is the final finisher of our faith.
It reminds me of a hymn we used to sing in church. I didn't know how much these simple words would come to mean to me as I grew older:
"Oh joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee.
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be."
That is a beautiful verse, Sandi. I don't think I have ever heard it, but I do like the words a lot.
Illa, I appreciate knowing what you and the kids are going through. Finding the Urns is another one of God's "kisses on the forehead"! I really don't know if we will need clothes in heaven or not, Peter, but we can all be sure of this...Ben's unique style and twinkle of a smile will definitely be obvious there too! My favorite photo of Ben and I was one of us at my wedding. He is all decked out in suit and tie. We are looking at each other and his smile is that same fun, "mischievous" grin.
I don't think we are going to hear from Suzanne anymore. I got the impression when I called on Thanksgiving that she is in isolation mode. Perhaps the blog has not been a real good experience for her so far. The part that is also a worry to me, is that it might effect the time when Chardo will be coming home. Suzie, we may be a family with a lot of dysfunction, but perhaps we can grow out of that with time. I am so sad if your heart is hurting and I hope you can help us to learn to be the kind of family that you need. Let us know what you are thinking, feeling and where you need boundaries set. Don't close us out at a time when Chardo might be one of the things this family needs and perhaps, maybe we can be there for him too.
Illa,
Jim and I both really loved the obit you wrote. You did a great job. And I love that you found the keepsake urns at a place called, "Hidden Treasures." After all, aren't all the treasures "hidden"? And I love that you have no fear of facing the future, and that you have peace. This does my heart good.
Can't wait to see you again. Soon.
Sandi,
what is this obit that you speak of. i dont think ive seen it.
Dick
Hey Dick; Illa sent it out as a .doc. I opened mine again and your on the CC list. I almost missed mine cause when I get something from Illa, all here messages have a big space and I have to scroll down to find the attachment. Maybe yours did the same. Email me if you still can't find it, I'll forward it.
I would still like the ages of Peter and Glenda and I think Dick. I think that that is all that I don't have. I will post on here what should be the final draft.
Teresa and I got the music finished last night to play at the service. We will have a disk that plays all thru the potluck and choose just 4 or 5 songs to play during the service. I don't think anyone wants to sit still thru an hour of music. It was hard coming up with something as Ben liked so many different styles. But it seems to flow evenly. I am working on the pictures now. They are finally starting to print out. The first 2nights the printer would not work even with new cartridges. It seemed like it was not ready to print them out yet. I wasted 10 sheets of photo paper before I just gave it up. No matter what I printed, they came out looking like negatives.
We have to make another trip to Redding tomorrow to take them the Keepsake urns and order the notes and Memory book. then we have to make one more later to pick everything up. I am glad I have so much time off from work for this. I start back to work on the 13th and then will have the 20-21 off. will still only work 3 days a week for a while. I could go to 5 this week but I don't think I am ready for that much just yet. It has really helped by keeping busy trying to get this all done. I still walk by and touch the bed where his feet laid and talk to Ben whenever I walk thru the bedroom or go to the bathroom.
Teresa and I both when we come across something think first to go ask or look at Ben to check on something.
With love, Illa and Teresa
oops i might of deleated it by mistake. Jim did send it to me. thanks.
illa im 52
Dick
52! Your old!!!!! Illa, I'll be 60 this month. But I'm supposed to be old- no being the baby of the family.
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