Dad's time came today. Today felt like a weird day on waking up, I was writing in my journal wondering what was going on and about the "odd" things I'd been noticing. God talks, the problem is noticing and remembering it's not always like one expects... the little things... Anyway, when mom called me to come in, I went in, and I'm glad she let me know.
I held mom and dad for a while, then crawled up onto the bed onto the opposite side as mom... laid there next to him and held his hand like he'd held mine when I was birthing little Merlin... Dad sobbed after I told him that it was his decision to stay or go, he'd been holding back and holding on...
He left after that, after I promised him that we'd be ok...
I came out and made a note of the time... 3:00 PM. The nurse and the Sheriff arrived VERY quickly for way out here in the boonies... 40 minutes later... and made the official call. Then we had to wait for the morgue to come pick him up, and the nurses and the Sheriff stayed with us.
Meanwhile, I attempted to cook dinner and attempted to get people to drink coffee... slipping into the Hostess role and also making sure that there would be something for mom to eat for dinner... even though my concentration resulted in EPICALLY TERRIBLE COOKING. Over cooked meat, mushy zucchini, and undercooked rice... Yup 0 for 3. I struck out on meal prep.
Interesting... When dad was wheeled out, my computer played Sonorus Sanctum by Beltana... The song mentions having the night moon in our hearts until the return... Looking up following dad out, there was the moon. You could see not only the crescent, but the light purple of the less lighted part... and two planets below to 5 o'clock and 4 o'clock positions.
I don't know when the services will be, but he will be cremated.
~Teresa
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Teresa,I'm glad that you were there and were able to share that special moment with your mom and dad. I think that you're right, he needed you and Illa to give him permission to pass. He wanted to make sure that you would be OK. You gave him that permission.
I'm not familiar with Sonorus Sanctum by Beltana but I think there are messages that are meaningful to us if we put the correct puzzle pieces together. Now a crescent moon will carry a special type of meaning.
Jim
God bless and keep you all in His care through the next part. We love you, we're thinking of you, we hold you in our hearts. No one had a sweeter, more tender send off than your Dad, Teresa. The two women he loved most in the world held him to their hearts and in that moment, as love was perfect, he let go of the bonds of this earth to leave us all to wonder after him.
For those of us who love you, who loved Ben and all his ways, we carry this memory with gratitude: he did not die alone. He went with love.
Illa, if you see this, I hope that you can see how your love was perfected in these final months when you held your love in word and deed. It was the greatest gift one human can give another. How wonderful it was that you gave of yourself so totally! There is no regret to mar the rest of your life. In that, your gift is brought back to you and made manifest. Your memories will be sweet and will comfort you. This is the greatest mystery of all--that no matter how much of ourselves we pour into our love for others, it always comes back to us greater than when we gave it.
Soon you can rest, and your rest will be peaceful in that you KNOW that you did everything you could--indeed more than you ever knew you were capable of.
Thank you Teresa for your account of your dad's falling asleep. We all breathed a sign of relief when we found that you were there with your parents when your dad left us. Please give your mom a hug from us. Love you. Peter and Karen
thank you teresa. I know how special it is to be with your father when he passes. I was with mine when he passed away and i will never forget that time.
I was relieved when your mom said that you were there with her, i know its hard to be strong right now, but continue to be so, as your mom is grieving. i know it will be hard for you to grieve and be strong at the same time. but you can.
give your mom a hug for me and let BJ know im thinking about him too, as i am all the kids.
love Dick.
My dear sweet one... I am so greatful that you were with your Ada and mom. Letting your Ada know you were going to me all right. I know how much your father loved you, and, I know that he knows you hold a special love in our hearts. Jess, Lisi and I wish to be there, with you and your family when you have your services, in memory of your dad. He died with those he loved, with such love and closness. Love to all, give Illa a hug from us. Love Aunty Lili
Was weird but about anr hr or so, sometime around 2-2:30 the relax cap came came in 2 do inventory and befer he left asked if i was a believer and gave me a jesus hat pin, just had 2 share my story with ever1
Ben Jr
That's very interesting timing bro, very interesting indeed.
I'll give mom all those hugs you send when she gets back from her doctor appointment. Later today we are talking to the people taking care of the cremation and going over to Redding.
Further odd ways in which God works... several personal effects of dad's that we've been looking for awhile (including a hat dad really wanted to wear on our coast trip and that just WOULD NOT BE FOUND) have been popping up in odd places we've looked several times.
Teresa, I too am so glad you were able to be with your dad in the end. Rick and I were with his dad and I know it will always be a sweet memory.
Hang onto all the memories you have, they will bring you alot of comfort.
We send our love and prayers, Uncle Rick and Aunt Bonnie
Teresa and Ben Jr - I really appreciate your notes...somehow it makes this time easier. Life is about time, the passing of it, the changes in it and, I believe to remind us, that someday we can be together where there will be no more time. Ben Sr has gone to pave the way for us and isn't it wonderful how the Lord has given each of us a little blessing (I call them kisses on the forehead) to remind us that He is with us thru the pain. This week I also witnessed that beautiful sunset with the crescent moon, Venus and Saturn all in about 4 degrees of each other - I will always think of Ben and you, Teresa, when I think of that beautiful sunset. Ben Jr keep writing to us we need to hear from you. I am so grateful that Illa has you two to bless her at this time. Here are some lyrics from a Christian rock group called Mercy Me; this song is called “I Can Only Imagine” and it has blessed me a lot these last couple of weeks as I have prayed.
Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel,
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still,
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall,
Will I sing hallejuah, will I be able to speak at all,
I Can Only Imagine.
I invite each of us to search the Word of God for our self. Seek Him out according to His written word and then ask yourself the questions asked in the song. Put aside all previous conditioning, teachings or whatever and just come on your knees and ask God to reveal truth to you. I promise you He will answer that request. I love you all.
If you click on the title of the song in the post, the link should take you to a page where you can choose to hear the song sun in hi-fi quality recording or lo-fi quality recording.
Here's the lyrics to the song though. The imagery is very Celtic.
Credits:
Beltana-Lyrics/Vocals/Guitar
John Holzer-Bass
Franke Forstner-Violin
Lyrics
In a deep, musky wood lie a boat and a paddle
Awaiting a poet who will rise with the dawn
And the boat is a melody that drifts into dreamland
Growing into a ship and it brings me along
Now I sit on a deck in a coffeehouse garden
Awaiting the poetry the evening is long
And the dream is a memory that cannot escape me
The evening is pretty but it will not last long
Well adieu to the Summer then welcome in Fall
Milkweeds are Autumn-laced hearken their call
We bid you good parting your memory burns
In our hearts for nine moons until you return
On a parchment before me notes dance in lucidity
Shimmering over the waves of Mabon
In the whisperings of tales in the shanties behind me
Lie kingdoms incited to war by your song
Many a soul was torn open and bleeding
Up from the hollows of Hell screamed their throng
And the wrenching and pain it has torn my soul open
Yet alas, only able to gift you with song
Well hello to the Winter farewell to the Fall
Trees are icicle-laced shatter their call
We bid you good parting your memory burns
For nine moons in our hearts until you return
Yet the wood remains peaceful his dreams they are sleeping
The quiet has done the fair poet no wrong
In the moonlight, he’s weeping his dreamland is timeless
His ship ever sailing into Avalon
In sonorous sanctum the poetess eloquent
Drinks of the cup from his passions well drawn
Wishes him well on his journeys to within
Farewell to the bard then until Winter’s gone
Yes hello to the Spring again welcoming thaw
Your music shall ring within gracing our halls
All hail your return as the warming sun burns
For nine moons in our hearts until you return
For nine moons in our hearts until you return...
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