One thing about not being raised together, is, that we are mid century ( OMG ) and we are talking to each other , kinda .. or posting or texting or e-mailing ! I see so many families estranged totally after spending a childhood together, sharing the same parents and homes. I see families crumbling; at times I feel mine is. Petti stuff! And ofcourse I am always caught in the middle. That's what happens with close families, I think. I can be impartial, but you know me .. I'm opinionated and have a hard time not being when I see my kids at each other's throats. And it's not about the kids, if they want to not talk to each other, I really don't care. But it makes it hard for the little ones when the big ones are at each other. I lay awake nights and pray that my kids will find peace in allowing each other to live their own lives without finding fault which leads to arguments and estrangments.
Everyone one has their own issues yet it seems we can easily look at another and say .. he did this or that or does this wrong or .. whatever .. without thinking of what ' we ' do that is wrong in another's eyes.
Why can't we just live and let live and pray about things we can't stand in another ? .. For a change within our hearts, not to change them. Does this just come with maturity or a deep faith within that allows us to try to love as Jesus taught us? I don't know. Sometimes I get so confused.
I love order in my life and struggle daily with ' not ' trying to control others so my world is orderly. So is this pettiness my kids go thorugh a lesson for me. Maybe a lesson in letting go and letting God. (?)
My Virgo mind struggles with anything outside of perfection. Heavens knows I am not perfect any any way shape or form; however I am my own worse critic. I kill myself to leave a perfectly clean house, total order in my business, routines followed to a tee .. what of those who cannot keep up with my exspectations? Usually I just throw them aside .. like the men in my past lives. Disposable.
I think it took my falling in love with a ' slow hand ' .. that brought me to this reality of myself. Oh, I've been evolving, but I guess God felt not fast enough. So he dropped this perfectly good unperfect man down from the heavens. I told Him I was not ready for this, yet here he ( Darryl ) was and I could not throw him away. Now my perfectly orderly self controlled enviroment is being run by ' a man ' !!!
It sure changes things in life. But I'm ready for this journey even though at every step of the way, I'm sure to take it apart and put it back together to try to figure out .. how do we do this .. this man and woman thing?
3 comments:
Susie,
Good post, and introspection. It is somewhat strange and unsettling that, yes, we are at the mid-century mark. We are all adults and are trying to understand each other not just as adults, but as siblings. Perhaps it was good the way the way that it started out. You mentioned that you are opinionated, I too am opinionated, but, as I tell Sandi, only when I'm right! As a teacher I see children exhibiting childish behavior every day, but it must be difficult to see your children behaving this way. But, they are not coming from the wealth of experience that comes from being our age. You're right, unfortunately it's not the ones that are causing the problems that must suffer the consequences of their actions, all too often it is the young and innocent. It's someone who is blameless. It is much easier to find fault in others rather than accept responsibility. You're right, again, we cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves. Nor can we change how others perceive us.
I'm glad for you that you are in such a happy period in your life. It sounds like Darryl is bringing balance to your life. I'm glad for you.
Love,
Little bro'
Jim
Remember: A person works to live, not lives to work.
Jim, I wish that statement was true. "a person works to live & not live to work" . serously, that is my life is work. it sucks.
Suzie,
I mean this as a comment, so please take it as such: Who is the one person in your life who can effect change in your life?
Jim
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