Living Life while you have the life to live..no regrets!

I often wonder why others have to suffer so or at times life is so unfair; but, then it comes to me that it could be so others can 'get it' while they have the chance to. You know I specialize in Acute & Hospice Care. Most of my residents lives seem to be meaningless, but they aren't. I remind them daily that even if they seem to feel all they are doing is getting through one day at a time waiting for something to happen .. a visit, a call or just for life to end, their lives are lived, every moment; for a reason. As for my clients, their lives and suffering has made me a better person. Each experience I go thru with them, adds to my life.

But life and suffering is a lesson for all of us. We need to take a look at the lives we live and make sure we live while we can; the right way! ... So when it comes our time to suffer, wait to die or be dependant on others for our care; we don't regret the life we lived.

I hope we all take a careful look at the meaning of life and death as we go through the illnesses and crisis of others. Some of us do, I know. Pain touches every one's life. But I mean really look. Don't see it and shrug. If we do, the life, death and suffering of others might be meaningless. I urge all of us to take a second look. Do we say, 'hey get better we need you' ? Do we hide behind our own fears?

I spent quite a bit of time with Ben over the last couple days. We had planned to go on a road trip anyway for my BD weekend. We just decided to make our road trip to Redding.

He was in and out of consciousness most the time I was there Sat. He did say something to me that made me really pay attention to and wonder what he's going through. He reached over and said ... please don't be upset if I don't make it. It bothered me that he was trying to comfort me while he was the one facing his destiny. Death is a destiny for all of us. He's just had the time to prepare. But why would he feel the need to say .. don't be upset .. ? I feel we needed to discuss that, but he was really too out of it on Sat.

I came back in the early hours on Sun. He was much more alert. He wanted a shower and a walk. But they were very busy. He was finally able to get cleaned up; a bed bath. We did get a chance to talk some.

I left a little journal for all his loved ones to journal, this journey we are taking with him; in. This is a journey .. LIFE & DEATH !

What I feel is his deep sadness about leaving those he loves to an uncertain future and from past regrets. It's got to be a scary thing, to know you are leaving an unfinished life. I feel it is our duty, as loved ones, as a support system for him as well as for Illa and the kids; that we help him understand life is over when it is time. I feel that time is when one feels they have done all they can and can turn their very life over to God.

There is no promise of forever or even of any time. My concept of life and death might be different then others. But I am real good at the ' dying part of life '. So I think my theory works.

It is so important for loved ones to let go. We must let Ben know we have no regrets, he can do no more to make our lives better or ok. He has lived a good life. There's always regrets, but there comes a time we can do nothing about something we should have done. Our life is just what it was meant to be and even with the mistakes, it is ok. We also make mistakes for reasons we may not know. *Thank God for some mistakes we feel we made, because only God can bring something right out of what some may think is wrong. And it's all up to God anyway, not what others think is right or wrong.*

One big thing I understand is Ben's desire to die at home. No one wants to die at a place filled with strangers. Ones that don't even have the time to empty the garbage, clean the toilets or give a bath. So I hope for him, he is able to get to the place he can go home and die with his family around him. But again; if this is God's will and then God's will be done.

But regardless of where it will happen, I feel family members ( us, Illa has been dealing in that reality for some time ) need to deal in the reality that he is dying. My hope is I am able to let him know, I cherish the memories of my life with him. I will always think fondly on the times we shared and I have no regrets.

He has regrets. Most of us do. ( I do not. I have adopted a theory of living a life having no regrets, for years. ) But at this time he needs to be encouraged to find an understanding that his life was lived well. His life was lived as it was destined to be and he no longer needs to have regrets, because for one thing, regretting can do no good, it will only hurt him and keep him for being able to let go of this life; for a better one. He is afraid. I grieve for his fears. But with God at his side, his fear will go and he will then be able to relax and find the peace and ability to let go. Everyone finds that in their own way. I am only suggesting that we as his family helps him let go by helping him find the closures he needs that will enable him to find that peace.

God will take him when God knows he is ready to go. I am sure of this. In the meantime his life gives all our lives meaning. Please don't let his suffering be in vain. It's time for him to find his peace and not feel as if there's anymore left for him to do.

I know everyone has their own thoughts on life and death .. these are just mine. I love my brother and would like to see his life go on; but I want him to go in peace without fear and regrets. Our time with him needs to be a time of saying well done brother, love you and if I never see you again in this life .. I'll meet you in heaven. Please don't ask him to stay around for our agenda when it might be time for him to just let go. If he does get better and lives for years .. out of stubborness ... it is only because God knows he has unfinsished business; let's help him.